I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
