A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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