I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
