you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
50% drunk capacity currently
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
