sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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