I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
