no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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