i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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