apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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