so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
