can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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