now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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