Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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