I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love accidental penises.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
