There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
