So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
