im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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