I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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