I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
