We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
