Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
