put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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