Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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