Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
