So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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