honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
