I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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