Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
