just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I still have a little drunk in my system
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
