She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
