And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
