i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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