didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
