She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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