My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
