I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
