I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
