Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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