the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
