she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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