dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
