Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
