how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
