You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
