it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
