wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
