I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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