Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
