My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
