Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
