let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
