She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
