I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
