yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
