I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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