I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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