yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
