I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
