I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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