also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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