she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
