last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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