Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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