So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
