thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
