I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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