Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
