I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
