3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm really busy with my period
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