All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
