Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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