You can't special order awesome
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
