god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
