Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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