I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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