overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
