My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
