my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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