So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
