I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
